Disgruntled Thoughts on Pessimism

I'm a pessimist, and I am committed to being one. It's not about the glass being half-empty or half-full. Being a pessimist is simply noticing that the glass isn't full and wanting to do something about it. It discourages me when I hear Church leaders talk about pessimism as a bad thing. Aside from marriage, a child, and graduating college, pessimism is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Are there bad times? Sure, but I've found it's easier to cope when you don't have much faith in anyone or anything around you. Fewer surprises.

"Hey, can you turn the light off when you're done in there?" I ask my wife politely with a subtle hint of annoyance and shifted pitch. I can't help the intonation. When you lose faith in humanity, it just comes naturally. She looks at me, rolls her eyes, and says a long and drawn-out "Ohhkayy" as if purposefully trying to draw my ire. Minutes later, after being distracted by other things, I realize the light is still on in the kitchen! Most of the time I'll just go and turn it off myself, but sometimes I'll repeat the same question to her with more annoyance and vigor reflected in my voice. Occasionally, and to my surprise, she'll get it right. I'll walk in the room with a smile as I glance at the light-switch. I'll pause for a moment to appreciate her handiwork, and then I'll notice the refrigerator door is open!!

I'm not a cynic. Don't confuse the two. A pessimist assumes a level of cynicism, but also assumes others will act in unselfish ways to at least some degree. As I've grown older, I have noticed the effects of being a pessimist. I am void of certain kinds of emotion. I can't recall the last time I've cried. That doesn't mean I don't get angry. I only get angry when something or someone isn't acting in a logical manner. I recall playing a game of Apples to Apples. I forget the category, but someone had played the "Microsoft" card while I played "Bill Gates." Surely, I should have won the round? Not so, as the judge wasn't a logical person. I lost that round. Irritated me to no end!

Little idiosyncrasies and traits have begun to bother me. Part of being a pessimist is understanding that these will never go away. In my Church, someone will be "called" to a position as a member of the Enrichment Committee or some other non-essential lackluster appointment. Really? God specifically handpicked you to participate in planning activities that include mindless banter, refreshments, and decorating? Why don't you just call it what it really is? A voluntary position, not a calling. I find it hard to believe that a Supreme Being who created the Heavens, the Earth, and all things therein would be involved in the trivial aspects of day-to-day life! "You know, I've been thinking...Jane would be an excellent addition to the Relief Society Presidency in the 3rd ward" said no God ever.

I've grown tired of dealing with dullards who have an intellect based purely on emotion. There is no reasoning with these people, and there never will be. I've seen the patterns, and I know what's coming. Truth comes through perspective, and for many, perspective comes through the mechanism of hurt feelings. I don't set out on it, but I don't mind doing it. Some of the best conversations I've ever had were with developers who weren't attached to preconceived notions. They would let them go as quickly as I would if presented with a persuasive argument. Why can't we all be like this? When did the world get so attached to itself?